twenty six

Long ago I dreamed in Once Upon a Time.  I yearned for my happily ever after with you.  The hero rescued his love and saved her from certain death.  The myths of these loves were filled with darkness, despair, and evil that were vanquished by the sword yielding lover.  All these acts of virtue were done in the name of true love.  When I awoke, I found myself in a nightmare.  The hero was consumed by evil, a dragon with fire that lurked deep in his soul.  No longer do I wait for true love to save me.  Happily never after.  Pick up cold steel and push forward toward my own happiness.

twenty five

The quiet drowns out the voices
That are screaming out your name
Solitude opens a part of me
That will never be the same
My tide ebbs and flows
With the thoughts in my head
Distorted, perverted images of love
An emotion better left to the dead
No point to open up to a new threat
Feelings cannot be passed to another
If one heart is hard and refuses to melt
No time given to heal, left just with a cover
Time in my head to get lost inside
To find out what is there left whole
Time in my heart to rebrick the wall
Perhaps a door left open for your soul
Hope not for me to love your face
The ties that bind one there will keep
Me from partaking in such acts of fools
No matter the hours I sit and weep
Jealous of the smiles of foreign lovers

twenty four

Collector of broken treasures
You seek out the ones that are scarred
Tarnished, faded, cracked or marred
Pick them up with gentle care
Caress every crevasse with skillful hand
The details, marks you all too well understand
The time spent with the precious things
You use to make them shine
Put it on a shelf and tell all “They are mine.”
Up high away from the comforting gaze
To be hidden from thought and sight for days
Glancing only briefly at the collection you have
Before you begin another hunt for the next gem
A beautifully broken angel to add to ‘them’

twenty three

Where did you go?

          I never left.

I miss your face.

          Why did you close your eyes?

I want to touch you, feel your skin on mine.

          You grew more interested in your other endeavors.

I need to put my lips on you.

          Mine never stopped moving for you.

I want you to come to me.

          Why did you walk away?

I miss your thoughts.

          They never left your face.

Where did you go?

          I wasn’t the one who went.

twenty two

Building of anticipation

Thoughts grew stronger

My name falling from your lip

A heart first had to rip

When an embrace joined the two

The words brought them into one thought

Consumed by the beauty of the other

Emotions to strong to smother

The knowing that it will come to an end

Though neither dares to pretend

The day of resolution drawing near

Ignore the signs, ignore the warning

Enjoy the night and enjoy the morning

twenty one.....explicit

The game, the game you love to play

Fuck the bitch.  It feels the same.

Just as the first.  Doesn’t feel quite right

The way she moved the way last night

Over again growing more lame

How does she move that little skank

You fear to tell her where she will rank

Compared to the one you thought

You were certain your lies had bought

Now your ass is left in dust

With trash ass tail you fail to trust

To open all your inner mind

Because her mind fails to find

That shallow ass cunt you fail to love

Her thoughts are the same as the one before

The deep lyrics and melodies within

Your soul and heart you have been

To frightened to let the shallow bitch see

How open you are when you’re with me

Close tight your eyes and forward go

The one you want will always know

twenty

Entranced by your wonderment

You call to me

I see other faces in yours

But wish only to find mine

I stare and get lost in you

Your warmth surrounds me

Soft whispers beg me to listen

I long to make you mine

I crave your touch

When my hand meets yours

It leaves me scarred

When I have you, you burn me

Enamoured or ignorant, I know not which

I reach for you again

How long will I play with this fire?

nineteen

Hide your eyes from my face
Tremble at the thought of an embrace
Fear of never wanting to let go
The only one you wish to know
Bury the emotion far and deep
Pray out it will never seep
A chance brush on the skin
Boils over what you hide within
Stare at yourself and tell it a lie
Easier to shut out than try
Open the body and open the mind
Leave the heart captive long behind
Bound from the pain it can feel
Superficial love mirrored as real
No one will break and no new scars
If all our pieces are kept behind bars

eighteen

Ignore the itch
Pray it goes away
Scratch the surface
It bleeds for days
Your fingers trace the skin
Tempting to dig deep
Touch what lies within
Are you scared of the scare it will leave?
Fear stops you once again
Who are you trying to deceive?
The scars on your face
Are deeper, fresher, bitter
Thank those on others you may grace
Don’t hide what you want to feel
The pain and joyous release
As the callous casing begins to peel.

seventeen

She fits utterly in your hands.  Her face is like an angel.  Her words allure you.  Hold her.  Keep her safe.  But you grow tired of your birds feather.  They loose their brilliance to you.  She no longer sings the same sweet melody you once adored.  So you cast her aside to search the darkness for another.  You find one.  You fine two.  They have her face but cannot draw upon her eyes.  You find three.  You find four.  Their songs are beautiful but not filled with the passion you once yearned for.  Their melody does not soothe your savage nature like hers did.  Five. Six.  Their bodies are stunning, but their minds do not relent to your cold and comforting hands.  They flinch while she begged for more.  Seven. Eight. This search for the next perfect pet loses its appeal.  The creatures you have found have filled you with lackluster joy. You long for your true first.  But, time has passed.  Much too long for her to allow you to hold her in your hands again.  You beg for her song, her words, her eyes.  Holding out your palm, pleading with her to stay. She turns with tear stained cheeks and flies away.  Heartbroken, you walk humbly back into your darkness.

sixteen

The cold rain falls on me.
It makes my tears seem so warm.
The cold air takes over me.
It freezes my once beating heart.
Your eyes pierce me.
It makes my skin grow numb.
Your frigid hand touches me.
It makes my pulse race.
You let the cold engulf you.
It makes me mourn for the day
the sun will melt away your icy walls.

fifteen

Smile on me with the eyes that see into my soul.
Kiss me with the lips that take my breath away.
Hold me with the arms that calm my fears.
Love me with the passion to melt my cold heart.

fourteen

The grey veil tears back to rain down her perfection.  Grace, peace, face, mind, body, soul: immaculate.  The first step is the hardest.  Unknown ground.  Resistance with every move.  The two were drawn together, likthe north and south pieces of a magnet.  Their hearts played a common song.  She found you and you found her.  A special piece made for the other.  You held her in your hand.  The world you craved was now yours.  You touched her face, kissed her lips, perfection was yours. You ask yourself why you let her fly away.  Why did I set her free?  I watched her stretch ehr wings and did nothing to keep her.  I held her and wsn't satisfied.  Now, you sit humbly numb, begging for another chance to hold completeness one last time.

thirteen

Entranced by your wonderment

You call to me

I see other faces in yours

But wish only to find mine

I stare and get lost in you

Your warmth surrounds me

Soft whispers beg me to listen

I long to make you mine

I crave your touch

When my hand meets yours

It leaves me scarred

When I have you, you burn me

Enamored or ignorant, I know not which

I reach for you again

How long will I play with this fire?

twelve

Looking to the west you search for the sunrise

Even in the dead of night, narrow sight is your demise

The beauty you let fly, in your mind still haunts

Though the grasp never fulfilled your true wants

Weeks without sun, you hold a torn lovers post

Forsaking life, love, all that means to you the most

The first bloom of a flower kissed by dew

The eyes of a poet you forgot you knew

The smell of rain embracing the sky

These are what you missed with your blind eye

Infront of you, their presence never waivered

Your life was passed by, never to be savoured

Through the beautiful forest you went on to find

The western sunrise hidden by trees in your mind.

eleven

Left open for me to read. The cover allures me. I finger your pages to catch a glimpse and the hidden treasures inside. Worn, many hands have traced your face. Lips have craved your words to fall from them. Your story is an old one. I know it well. I know you well. How you rise. Fall. Resurrect. Conquer. Devastate. You are the trickster and the fallen son. A contradiction in your own lines. I read you. Memorize you. Become your words. That is where I find meaning, truth, and enlightenment. It's not in what you say, but what you haven't said. Your ending is written.

ten

Sad eyes are no disguise for a tattered heart.

Ending of a day, you longing to depart

The void in you filled by the ignorance of youth.

Though your blinded from the bitter truth.

The ties that slip around your soul; you want.

Though memories of us will just begin to haunt.

Take your cup and drink deep.

Your actions are yours to keep.

My face will torment you at night.

You will beg endlessly for the next light.

The hollow shell that lies in your bed

is an illusion of love that is long dead.

The words I twist dance in your mind.

Your regret is leaving us behind.

My image is a poision to all of your senses

you damn yourself for your own defenses.

While locked in her callow embrace,

you will find yourself seeking my face.

Damn your mind. Damn your heart.

nine

Placidity on the surface, facade of tranquility. Her deep scars hidden behind a false smile. The bright luster faded from her once blithe eyes. Burst of emotions biding their time to spit out their scornful words. The plaster that keeps her face  copacetic begins to crumble. The quiet innocent voice that once became her is haunted with deep cynical notes. For the moment, the heart stops beating. Ice replaces warmth. Hate replaces love. Bitterness replaces joy. She decays into her own melancholy. This moment is short lived. The instant will soon leave her still pure face. And she will return to the statuesque beauty.

eight

Eyes following my every move

Patience enought to prove

My worth to the one who knows

that love inside me continually grows

Your face is ever changing

The pattern never rearranging

Safety surrounds me when you are there

The newness though leaves me bare

Watching me from a quiet high

Begging to just hear your sigh

Half shadows cast upon your brow

Reminds me to let go now

In you absence, I long to see

The bright face that looks on you and me.

seven

When the shadows claim the night

and there are faint traces of light

I slide into a comforting place

close my eyes and relive your face

Two hearts beating in one song

though one is faint, gone for so long

My ears continue to decieve my mind

Your voice still whispering words so kind

Haunting fingers dance across my cheek

though no body for me to seek

A warm kiss still burns my brow

Though no lips to leave it now.

The smell of you laying next to me

Is it to much to ask to be free

Eyes clenched shut to keep out the pain

Tear stains on my pillow will only remain

My hand traces where you would lay

and pray I make it another day

I bury down into my icy grave

alone the night I must brave

six

Looking forward burns my eyes

The now is where my mind should stay

Tomorrow's thoughts bring a sorrowful note.

Today lights your face in my hand.

The next moment may never arrive.

Satisfaction lies only in my grasp.

Whitsful notions of ever after torment me.

Smiles stop the sand from collecting.

The life I long for pushed to the side.

Your heart beats with mine for this moment.

This is the moment I want to be lost in.

I want to stretch this minute out over a day, past a week and clear to forever.

When it is over, and your scent lingers.

My fingers are left alone.

Yours no longer intertwined with mine.

My lips are bare.

My heart beats solo.

Hopefully looking for your face.

five

I sit crouched staring at the windows.

Breeze blowing, whispering my name.

The sirenes curse calls me to get up.

The door has shut and locked.

No escape, no savior, no salvation.

Me alone, red streaked face, burning eyes.

No wound to the eyes sight.

The pain and scars are buried deep within.

No cries out for help, only a soft repetitious mutter.

'Baptism through fire.'

Thoughts dart through the air haunting my memories.

They flash before me and I cringe.

Breeze blowing, whispering my name.

Am I well?

Will I ever be?

Does anyone care?

I peer out the windows.

So many to choose from.

All fall so far down.

If I leap out will you catch me?

Or will I be burned again?

Will I break something deeper?

Do memories of the inflicted pain fade?

You are not my keeper.

My strength doesn't depend on your desire.

The pain fuels my passion.

The hurt reminds me I am alive.

If I crash and fall, let me lie.

I will get up again, eventually.

four

Do you think of me when the stars are high?

Do you think of me when the breeze rustles by?

Do you think of me when you toes are in the sand?

Do you think of me when she is in the palm of your hand?

Do you think of me when the sun reigns down heavenly heat?

Do you think of me every time your heart beats?

Do you think of me when you are alone in your mind?

Do you think of me when love you crave to find?

Do you think of me?

three

Who are you?

The face staring back at me

Distorted by life

Beaten by experience

I see me in those eyes

Me that smiled in a distant memory

Lips that are faded

The love and life have flown away

Crevice traced along the surface

Time killing beauty

The pain lays blistering atop

The heart stopped beating beneath

The ice constricting the life flow

Laughter far away as the sun

Never to spill from a tarnished orifice

Who are you?

Miss me for my smile

Desire my eyes to dance again

Crave to let my laughter dance on your ears

The faded mirror refracts light

The me I saw is no longer there

Replaced by a void soul

Who am I?

two

Venom deep.

Tear open the skin.

Make it bleed.

The black stains the casing.

A life on display.

Pain on the surface.

Bite the bottom lip.

Push the anguish away.

Never to heal.

The color fades.

Memories stay.

Of the pain.

Of the moment.

Of the experience.

Of the love.

Of the lost.

Dig the shaft in deep.

Consciousness I wish not to keep.

Terrified too much to sleep.

Doomed forever to repeat.

one

Your face flashes to the front of my mind. I study you like an old photograph, brilliant and beautiful. It brings a multitude of emotions with your eyes. Desire, lust, want, need, anger, calmness. Being human, desire takes over. It makes my mind race, heart pulse, and body ache. Every inch screams out to you. I stifle the ugre by moving faster. All the while, my mind drifts back to your body. My hands wander over you. Your face, your neck, the words cut into you. I trace every inch. I push ahead at an even greater speed. No oxygen burns the body. The faster I go, the more I will occupy my mind. It fails. I give in and walk. You still laying in my head. I take in all of you. Your eyes, how they pull me and comfort me. Your cheeks, the soft pink glow I want to put there. Your lips, how the beg me to kiss them.